What Each Coach at Big 12 Media Days Should Be Asked

Big 12 media days start on Monday. It’s likely to be a forgettable, boring two-day event barring Gary Patterson going all in on Baylor or Mike Gundy going full swag and just saying a bunch of absurd things. So I have some questions to spice things up. Here’s what I want to hear from media members querying these millionaires about the upcoming season.

TCU (Gary Patterson): “How many white single pocket t-shirts did you get emblazoned with the purple devil emoji over the summer and do you wear them in public or just at home?”

Kansas (David Beaty): “How many times a week does Bill Self make you go get Chick-fil-A for him and his staff?”

Texas Tech (Kliff Kingsbury): “Is it chardonnay or pinot grigio on Monday nights with JoJo?”

Iowa State (Matt Campbell): “Wait … where is the loud guy who gave great speeches and somehow couldn’t parlay a horrendous Big 12 record into Cam Newton?”

Oklahoma State (Mike Gundy): “What is the plural of Pokemon?”

Texas (Charlie Strong): “Do you think the MAC or Conference USA would be easier to coach in? Can you name a team in Conference USA? Is Conference USA still a conference?”

West Virgina (Dana Holgorsen): “Be honest here, coach. How many times did you Redbox London Has Fallen this summer?”

Baylor (Jim Grobe): “Do you wear short-sleeve shirts when it’s 103 degrees outside?”

Kansas State (Bill Snyder): “OK, you don’t even have to answer coach. Just blink if you have over 77.5 Kansas State windbreakers and don’t blink if you have under that number.”

Oklahoma (Bob Stoops): “Did you go anywhere on vacation this summer or did you spend every waking moment reading that Houston game contract and texting your attorney things like, ‘can we just pretend like we thought we thought we were signing up to play Sam and not the University of …. ?'”