“10 Thoughts on Stanford” just wasn’t going to cut it. Heck, “100 Thoughts on Stanford” wasn’t going to cut it so at Carson Cunningham‘s urging I decided to go with a full-blown Simmons-style running diary for OSU’s first ever BCS appearance.
Hope y’all enjoy it with all your Tostitos.
6:30 P.M. CST – Getting started early here in the mini-man-cave as I catch the end of Wisconsin vs. Oregon’s helmets. De’Anthony Thomas is fast.
6:35 – If you would have told me five years ago when I was in college that OSU would be in a BCS game in five years and that I would be watching that game from my couch eating a Papa John’s pizza with my wife and sister in lieu of being at the game, I would have gone Eli Manning face on you for like 15 minutes. And yet here we are.
6:36 – My wife just asked if Andrew Luck was “that really weird guy.” Herbstreit-level analysis in the Porter household tonight.
6:45 – Just found out OSU is wearing all black tonight. Justin Gilbert just locked up the uniform Heisman forever and I haven’t even seen him yet.
6:50 – My wife is setting the DVR for The Bachelor and trying to figure out how to pronounce Ben Flajnik’s last name, meanwhile Russell Wilson is scoring the go-ahead touchdown in the background while I’m yelling at her to clear the screen. At least we’re getting started on the right foot!
6:57 – Jenni Carlson just tweeted that Boone Pickens just said OSU reached a BCS game about two years earlier than he thought they would. Guess Brandon Weeden wasn’t in that original RFP?
6:59 – My sister just informed that neither Chip Kelly nor Bret Bielema are married and now we’re talking about how funny my wife thinks it is that Bachelor fantasy drafts actually exist. Somebody pass me a Corona.
7:05 – The OSU game got bumped back to 7:50 CST on account of this scoring fest at the Rose Bowl. Good thing we aren’t following the Alamo or we’d be looking at another 12:15 A.M. start time…
7:07 – Also, if you’re ESPN why are you scheduling another game only 3.5 hours after one that’s being played by Oregon? That’s like making Springsteen open for Arcade Fire then saying “man, sure hope he doesn’t go too long, guys!”
7:11 – Musburger and Herbstreit acted surprised when Oregon went for a 4th & 6 from Wisconsin’s 28 in the 4th quarter with 8 minutes left and a 4-point lead. Uh, you guys watch much Oregon football?
7:12 – Tiger Woods and Rickie Fowler are both on the sideline for tonight’s
affair game. That doesn’t bode well for OSU, wait, yes it does, remember what happened last time OSU and Stanford went head-to-head on the national stage??
7:16 – Andy Staples just reported this: “The drum major for the Leland Stanford Junior Marching Band is dressed as Hello Kitty. That is all.” And that’s not even in one of the top ten strangest things this band has done. At least the Fiesta Bowl is letting them play this year?
7:35 – Russell Wilson just made Les Miles proud with a three-second spike to end the Rose Bowl on Oregon’s 30-yard line with two seconds left. Colt McCoy is in Ohio, watching, laughing, texting Bo Pelini smiley faces.
7:40 – Okay Herbs, I don’t need you breaking down every play of Wisconsin’s final drive, Matt Millen has had enough time to cover up his Brodrick Brown #19 jersey with a nice looking suit, let’s move along to the Fiesta.
7:43 – Oregon hasn’t won the Rose Bowl since 1917?! How is this possible? For four hours today Florida had won a taxslayer.com bowl more recently than Oregon had won a Rose Bowl.
7:45 – This was just tweeted. I’m distracted forever.
7:49 – Heather Cox interviewing Mike Gundy in his t-shirt, my wife is screaming at him, now she’s distracted by the fact that Justin Blackmon has “an inner thigh infection” wondering aloud “is that, like, a STD?”
7:52 – Stanford opens in a power formation, Sean McDonough wonders if they’ll hit a home run ball early. I don’t know what else to type.
7:55 – Justin Gilbert gets uniform Heisman forever honors tonight but Shaun Lewis is really giving him a run for his money. The all-black look is equal parts scary and outstanding.
7:57 – I’ve never understood the “throw it 4 yards on a 3rd & 7 play” play but now I feel justified because it appears that Andrew Luck doesn’t either.
7:59 – Stanford’s kicker just yanked a FG and dropped a “what the f***” when it went directly over the left upright. Those sting my man, I feel your pain.
8:00 – Weeden throws a really bad pick on OSU’s first play and Matt Millen immediately starts talking about how much he loves Bulldog Brown. Matt Millen referencing Brown should be part of a drinking game.
8:01 – Markelle Martin just Jevan Sneaded Ty Montgomery. There is a 0.00% chance that hit won’t be on OSU’s intro video next year.
8:08 – OSU offense goes three and out and has had the ball for about 45 total cumulative seconds. Weeden and Luck are a combined 3-5 for 8 yards midway through the first quarter. Bob Griffin is sitting in
his dorm room a resort somewhere grinning and stroking his Heisman.
8:16 – Luck over the top to Montgomery for 6 (not sure how he’s still standing, much less running routes). Matt Millen just said “there’s a mistake by OSU.” Incredible insight.
8:18 – Weeden completes OSU’s first first down to Cooper for 15 yards. My wife yelled “Coooooooooop” for like 12 seconds. More Coronas.
8:21 – Weeden is about as off he’s been since the Louisiana game, which makes sense because he hasn’t had this long of a layoff since this summer.
8:28 – Sorry for the 7-minute break. I just took the IV out they had to jam in me after Gilbert’s sideline pick of Luck.
8:29 – And OSU was just shut out in the first quarter for the first time since the Kansas State game last season. They were also held to 27 yards, which is eight fewer points than they scored in the first quarter against Kansas.
8:34 – We just had our first “Bob Griffin vs. Andrew Luck” infographic. Wife wants to know “WHERE THE WEEDEN STATS ARE??” I concur, considering he had more yards than both.
8:38 – Ryan Stewart takes one in from 24 yards out which represents 15% of his total rush yards for the season. 14-0 Trees.
8:43 – Our cable just died for 45 seconds and came back to Blackmon celebrating a TD, I wish I could make this stuff up. 14-7, we have a ballgame.
8:49 – Cable died again for an 8-minute stretch which felt like 8 months. It’s okay Verizon, I’ve only been waiting 26 years for this game!
8:50 – Stanford senior tackles Stanford freshman trying to run a kick out from six yards deep out of the end zone. There wasn’t an algorithm for that, young pup. Stanford has to punt a few minutes later.
8:58 – Just as I’m wondering how OSU can get the running game more involved, Blackmon sheds two dudes for a 67-yarder to tie it. Somewhere Cam Newton is on bended knee praying Sam Bradford hates OSU just enough that he can convince Jon Gruden to pass on #81. Fourteen all.
9:04 – ESPN did a super-duper slo-mo of Big Hands Andy after which Quade texted me and said “you need to start talking about how much I loved that slo-mo of BHA.” So yeah, there you go. Big Hands Andy in slo-mo apparently grabs Quade’s attention.
9:11 – Weeden just threw three straight passes to Colton Chelf (he now has three catches fo 68 yards), needless to say OSU has completely abandoned the run.
9:18 – Brandon Weeden just scored a rushing touchdown on a designed rushing play for him. The Mayans were correct, folks, be very afraid. And this comes seven minutes after I noted that OSU had completely abandoned the run. Following the play we got 20 seconds of Melanie Weeden on camera, 15 of which were her mouthing the words “OHHHHHHHH EMMMMMMMM GEEEEEEEE.” Awesome.
9:22 – Halftime, and we’re knotted up at 21. We could be getting ready for a classic second half. I only have one halftime question and it doesn’t involve football. Does Jesse Palmer have not skinny ties?
9:37 – I’ve been getting a lot of “where’s Tracy Moore” questions on Twitter and I have no idea, but really, when you have Colton Chelf doing Colton Chelf things, who needs Tracy Moore?
9:45 – Second half starts with me looking up the passing yardage record for OSU bowl games and I’m surprised to find it’s held by Zac Robinson with 329 yards against Oregon in the Holiday Bowl. Weeden has 239 to start the second half so that falls on what, the second possession?
9:49 – We had or first reminder of the 2011 title game with a Joseph Randle foot slip on what would have been a sure first down. LaMichael James is watching on his iPhone and nodding solemly.
9:53 – Matt Millen alerts us for the 93rd time tonight that Andrew Luck does in fact have a full and comprehensive understanding of Stanford’s playbook. This is quietly becoming the Jordan Shipley and Colt McCoy roomed together in college story of this game.
9:54 – Now Millen busts out the not-often-used “kinesthetic sense” I hadn’t heard from him since Tracy Moore made that dirty one-foot acrobatic catch in College Station.
9:55 – My wife asked “did the announcer just say ‘the running back squirts through a hole’?” He did indeed. Millen and McDonough have put together quite the 3rd quarter so far. Maybe they should be doing A&M games only? Also, I think the head ref sees Jerry Jones’ plastic surgeon.
10:05 – There isn’t enough CGI in all of James Cameron’s deep man bag of scripts to make a commercial that would convince me to eat Taco Bell’s nacho Frito burrito thing. I think I want to be ill.
10:09 – McDonough after Kye Staley dropped the game-tying TD, “Staley is a frequent target…he has 10 catches on the year.” The hits just keep on coming from the booth. OSU settles for a field goal after four plays from the four-yard line. 28-24 Trees.
10:17 – At what point do we start worrying about how long OSU’s defense has been on the field? They’ve been out there for 2/3 of the game so far and Stanford isn’t exactly an offense that wears down as the game goes on.
10:20 – Luck is unbelievable, and not in an “I’m Chris Leak and I throw the prettiest college ball in history” kind of way. Every throw he makes is safe and correct and smooth. For every 15 positive things he does he’ll do one negative thing. I think the normal college ratio is more like five or six to one.
10:26 – My wife just said “ewwww, who wants that trophy” about the Fiesta Bowl hardware. I can think of a lot of people in orange right now who do. Plus me. 4th quarter is coming up, Cowboys trail 28-24.
10:31 – Weeden continues to look for Chelf for 25+ yards downfield. I don’t know what bizarro world I’m living in right now but how about we start throwing to somebody else?
10:35 – And speaking of, Weeds just made a big time across-the-field throw to Cooper on a huge 3rd & 8 play. Next level throw by #3, nothing unexpected, but in a big spot that OSU needed.
10:40 – Blackmon catches his 3rd TD of the night over the middle and I believe got patted down by one of his lineman who was undoubtedly checking for weaponry or a written statement from Blackmon who could feasibly officially announce his exit to the NFL during this game. 31-31.
10:49 – You’d think the Cardinals could have skimped a little on that Larry Fitzgerald $120M contract to install some decent turf on this field.
10:53 – Stanford timeout with five minutes left and a 3rd and 7 looming. OSU might only get the ball back one more time and needs to force a FG here very, very badly.
10:58 – Instead Luck completes two HUGE third downs and Stanford punches it in from the one to take the lead, 38-31. ESPN announces that he is 15-15 on Stanford scoring drives tonight. Me, Texas fans, Titans fans, and Jags fans are all in hell right now.
10:59 – OSU gets the ball back but Randle is stuffed on 3rd and 4. He’s struggled all night and I don’t really know why, one guy who I would think could handle the physicality of Stanford. Gundy has to go for it on 4th and four with three minutes left. This could be ballgame.
11:00 – OH MY, Weeden with the quick slant to Blackmon for 10. That was a BIG TIME call and Weeden’s throw was on the money. Also, Millen was impressed by what Blackmon’s hips looked like on that play. I’m out of words.
11:03 – Randle up the middle for the tie, 38s for everyone. Stanford only had two down linemen lined up when Weeden snapped it and Randle still barely got in. I’m breathing into a brown paper bag.
11:07 – Stanford driving for the game winner as I try to figure out what rattles Andrew Luck? Engineering? Scantily clad women? Vontaze Burfict? Archie Manning? Anything?
11:10 – There are three ways this last drive by Stanford ends and two of them are very, very bad. 1:07 and ticking…
11:15 – Uh oh, Jeremy Stewart just went for 25 yards to get Stanford within field goal range. Of course they’re going to be trotting out a redshirt freshman who already missed a 41-yarder so “field goal range” right now might be like inside the 10.
11:16 – Welp, Stanford is sitting on OSU’s 17-yard line with 0:03 left and their freshman kicker looks like he wants to find the nearest trash can. Don’t worry bud, you’ve only got the #1 pick and best golfer of our generation to come face up to if you miss it.
11:17 – Gundy calls a timeout. Dan Bailey made sure that was in the game plan this morning.
11:18 – Here we go…
11:18 – Oh my gosh, he missed it. Badly. Luck looks like he wants to pluck his own beard one hair at a time. Weeden looks like he’s about to go for the kill shot. Williamson (the kicker) looks like he doesn’t care because he’s going to be wealthier than every person in that stadium not named Boone, Tiger, or Andrew. Sean McDonough does not make matters any better for Stanford fans as he points out that’s only the second time this year that Stanford has failed to score inside the red zone.
11:20 – Headed to overtime as the captains meet at midfield. Hey Stanford, you send out your two-time Heisman runner-up for the overtime coin flip, we send out our punter/kicker. Game on, fellas.
11:21 – Stanford gets the ball first and is headed the wrong way, on OSU’s 30 now. What are they going to do, send their kicker out for a 47-yarder after that debacle?
11:23 – Oh no, just a 43-yarder. There is NO WAY this is going in.
11:24 – Wide left, again. That kid is smart enough to know that this game wasn’t on him but goodness, how long is that ride back to Palo Alto? Kyle Brotzman thinks that’s a long ride back to Palo Alto.
11:26 – Weeden2Chelf over the middle FOR THE WIN! AND THE COVER, OH THAT’S A MIRACULOUS COVER!
11:27 – Wait, this is getting reviewed, Heather Cox basically had her mic in Gundy’s face already. Ooooh, this one’s coming back to the 1 folks, he wasn’t in. WHERE ARE YOU AT EMOTIONALLY IF YOU HAD OSU -4?? Do they try to punch it in or just turn it over to Sharp for the extra point W?
11:28 – Weeden takes a knee at the five in the middle of the field. People with OSU -4 are weeping right now. Those with Stanford +4 cannot believe what’s happening.
11:29 – Sharp hits it, ballgame. Big 12 Champs. Fiesta Bowl Champs. Game over. Season over. What a ride.
11:30 – Gundy doing his usual “Office-like stare into the camera and look away real fast” ironic routine. He’s the best.
11:31 – He dedicated this win to the four people who died in the plane crash and said he didn’t want to talk about it before the game but they had been planning on dedicating it to those four all along. You think the OSU family isn’t tight?
11:32 – Justin Blackmon just declared for the draft. ESPN will probably call this breaking news and run their red ticker across the bottom of the screen for the next week. Joe Schad is probably on a helicopter to Glendale right now if he isn’t already there.
11:35 – Scotty Verplank hugged Weeden after Weeden got interviewed. Big time hug right there, lot of golf shots from that duo.
11:43 – Monken getting drilled with the orange Gatorade by his linemen, no curse words were uttered, might be the biggest upset of the night.
11:46 – Holy crap, do those shirts say “Nacho Victory”? Please tell me they don’t say that, please tell me that’s a typo. Tell me anything than that’s what was actually printed by Nike for the Fiesta Bowl winners.
11:48 – Nope, that’s what they say. I am floored.
11:50 – Gundy and Blackmon pulled Budke’s wife up on the podium and gave her a huge hug. WOW, what a moment for the university.
9:55 – Gundy takes the golden trophy and hands it off to a player. True or false, that baby was 65% off in Hobby Lobby’s post-Christmas sale this week?
11:57 – Now the Tostitos administration is handing out player of the game awards and she’s introducing the players like we’re getting ready to watch a conference basketball game. Oh my. “Numbbbbberrrr four, the defensive playerrrrr of the game, Juuuuustin GIL-beeeeeert.” Oh, this lady is destroying me.
11:58 – McDonough with a nice Michael Buffer reference on the Tostitos lady. What a night.
12:05 A.M. – And that’s a wrap on the wildest ride in Oklahoma State history. Hope you guys enjoyed it because it’s all Cezar and spring ball from here until next September!