Monday Mailbag

Photo Attribution: US Presswire

I don’t do this often enough but I’d like to start doing it more in the future. Obviously Simmons’ mailbag is an inspiration but Clay Travis also does a pretty hilarious bag on Fridays that I’ve been enjoying lately.

OK, here we go!

Chances Jeremy Smith gets 1500 yards rushing? And chances OSU puts a beat down on OU like 2011? -@2013_cowboys

Given that Joe Randle never got there and OSU has been in love with the Mike Shanahan memorial “fantasy-murdering three RB set” I would say low. Plus, despite the gun show, it seems like Smith is on the J.D. Drew health program — play a few games, sit out a few more…and so on.

As for the beat down on OU, I’d say that’s probably out of the question as well. The exodus out of Norman has reached Moses-esque proportions but OSU simply won’t have the horses it did in 2011. We might never see a blowout like that again.

Hoops seeding for/if tourney? -@jbasks

You guys are going to kill me for this but I think OSU can get a seven seed or potentially a five/six depending on how the next few weeks play out. Winning either of the KU games would be huge, so would at Iowa State and Texas. I still can’t trust Ford on the road yet so I’ll go with seven but reserve the right to tweet “I told you so” as many times as I want when we’re prepping for a 5 v. 12 matchup on the first “I’m not going to work” Thursday of the Dance.

Speaking of the tournament, how sick is this year’s version going to be? Would anybody be surprised if Gonzaga or Butler won it all? Would anybody be surprised at anything that happened in this year’s tournament? There’s no Kentucky this year, it’s going to be an absolute free-for-all.

If you’ve read Bill Simmons’ Book of Basketball, who is your OSU wine cellar team? -@colindjohnston

Oh man, we could be here for weeks. For the uninitiated: a wine cellar team is a collection of five guys who you think would fit best together. It’s not necessarily your best five guys, but the five you think would make the best team. Here’s mine:

PG – Gottlieb – No surprise here, best passer in school history, not the best defensive player but who cares when he’s dishing 12+ dimes a game.
SG – …screw it, I’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes trying to figure this out, I’m making it its own post.

…stay tuned.

Do you have any insights on who the new OC is going to be? -@titleisteights

I think one misconception about this gig is that people think I have a lot more access/insight than I actually do. I’m not a reporter, I’ve never really tried to be for that matter (too stressful), I’m a blogger — I have fun with news that already took place, rarely do I report it.

All that being said, the name a lot of people have been tossing around is Glenn Thomas, the quarterbacks coach for the Falcons. It seems to me that if you can get Matty Ice within a quarter of the Super Bowl you should be able to handle the three-headed QB monster in Stillwater.

Also, Google tells me Thomas attended Texas Tech. No college or pro playing experience. Coached at Texas Tech and Midwestern State from 1998-2007. Been with the Falcons since then. Nobody’s heard of him and his teams at Midwestern averaged 7.0 and 7.5 yards per play in his last two years there? Perfect.

I’m taking my dad and two brothers to the Wednesday practice round at Augusta. What are your top five musts for a first time trip to Augusta. -Allen Karns

It’s really the greatest father/son/brother trip in all of sports. I would rank them like this actually:

1. Masters
2. Ryder Cup
3. College World Series
4. U.S. Open (golf)
5. Wimbledon
6. Everything else

As for musts at Augusta, here they are:

1. Sit on No. 16 and make (small) wagers. This has been my hole of choice for the last six years. I have to admit I’ve never been to a practice round though (never been able to snag tickets). Golfers love skipping shots across the pond Monday-Wednesday and patrons love betting money on who’s going to make it. A tradition unlike any other!

2. Open a new credit card account, put $1,000 in it, and take that card to the course and bring no other forms of payment. Otherwise you’ll be weeping into 12 new pullovers while your wife offers up obscenities over the phone from Oklahoma City.

3. Memorize this combination:

Breakfast – Sausage biscuit and coffee
Lunch – Pimiento cheese sandwich, sweet tea, chocolate chip cookie
Snack – Beers (they’re $2.50!)
Dinner – Another pimiento cheese sandwich
Total cost for the day: like $9.50

4. Take your camera and walk the par three course. I have like four total pictures in six years because they don’t let photos Thursday-Sunday so I’m jealous of how many you’re going to take.

5. (I know you’re not going on Sunday but if any of my readers are…) Get to the course at 5 a.m. on Sunday morning to get front row seats. The seats are great, yes, but the experience of being in line at five in the morning with a host of other psychotic golf fans is something you’ll never forget. Plus the rush you get when the gates open is like nothing you’ve ever felt. I took my buddy, Quade in 2010 and he nearly got trampled like we were running with the bulls in Pamplona.

6. (bonus) Wife said: “tell him to go downtown at night because there are some cool restaurants.” I only remember the golf.

Who wins in a fight, Dana or Todd and where’s the after-party? –@revchrismclain

Great one to end on.

They’re both crazy, I think we’re all aware of that. But Monken is crazy in an honest, straightforward way. Like, he’ll tell you “hey, my name is Todd, I run “eff you” offenses and I honestly might be crazy, I’m still trying to work through it.”

He’ll leave and you’ll find yourself saying “man, dude’s weird but I think I can kind of relate to him.”

You meet Dana and he’ll just be like “hey” with this look in his eye that’s part rabid fox part loony chemist (think: Walter White, season 4 of Breaking Bad).

So even though Monken is physically larger I have to go Dana under the “always go with the guy whose psyche you trust less when picking a fight between former Oklahoma State offensive coordinators” rule.

I got a bunch of other questions but unfortunately we’re out of room/time (I’m on Tiger watch) for today. I’ll try to get to them later on this week.