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Preview: Texas and OSU

A formula for success in Austin? Might want to get the alcohol on standby…

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Photo Attribution: USATSI

Photo Attribution: USATSI

Texas Longhorns 18-5 (7-3) vs. Oklahoma State Cowboys 16-7 (4-6)

Recollections

At the height of their powers under Rick Barnes, Texas seemed to have an extremely specific formula for success. Take good guard play and a skilled big man and add in a group of players with no discernable basketball talent but considerable talent for aggravating opposing fans and bruising opposing players.

If they were hockey players, you’d call them goons. The Longhorns had a goon pipeline for nearly a decade.

No single player embraced this role more than Brian Boddicker, or as he was known in every gym in the country not located in Austin, “BOOOOOOO.” He not only lived to be a heel, it was his reason for being. In that sense, you’ve got to hand it to him. He not only discovered his purpose early in life, he perfected his craft.

The insufferability hit its peak in the 2002-2003 season when Texas featured Boddicker, Brad Buckman, Jason Klotz, James Thomas, Brandon Mouton and TJ Ford. That is a full line-up plus a sub of full-on ‘words that Kyle won’t let me use here’. I’ll admit, however, that TJ Ford won a special place in my heart for what he did in Norman on Senior Day. If you aren’t familiar with his act, ask any Sooner fan about it. Then laugh and laugh.

This was a group that made as many trips to the Final Four as they did into the crowd at Gallagher-Iba to practice professional wrestling moves. By comparison, Marcus Smart didn’t come close to getting his money’s worth.

Speaking of which, you think it’s inexcusable the way OSU has underperformed with Smart on-board? How about Texas wasting perhaps the best player of his generation and failing to win the Big 12 or more than a game in the Big Dance with KD?

Rick Barnes has wasted more talent than Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson combined.

By the way, Boddicker plays professionally in France in order to ensure that Americans are hated when they travel abroad for decades to come.

Texas’ Season So Far

BYU earned the sweep of Longhorn football and men’s basketball during the non-conference schedule, which I’m sure resulted in plenty of well-thought out, articulate and educated diatribes on the Mormon faith, courtesy of some guy in a cowboy hat.

Texas did pick off North Carolina, Temple and every small conference school in their state. Paired with their conference triumphs over Baylor, TCU and Texas Tech, they’re well on their way to claiming the Texas State Title, something Texas fans probably actually take great pride in.

When this squad traveled to Stillwater earlier this season, an OSU team already without Michael “Linchpin” Cobbins cruised to a 13-point victory and sent UT home with an 0-2 conference start. Since then, one team has caught fire and seemingly improved every game and the other team will soon be facing a class-action lawsuit from fans who attribute their alcoholism to watching them play. Can you guess which team is which?[1. Sobs uncontrollably]

After reeling off seven straight wins, the Horns found out that some things, like losing margins, are actually bigger in Kansas when K-State housed them at Bramlage Coliseum.

Occasionally, their offense is so stagnant, it looks like they’re running plays that Rick Barnes dug out of Travis Ford’s trash can. Plays with names like ‘5-man Lollygag’ and ‘36-second Zero Cut’.

Meet The Longhorns

It feels like this is one of the most anonymous teams in the Big 12 and certainly the least recognizable Texas squad under Rick Barnes.

At least the putrid teams of the past couple years had a guy like Myck Kabongo who was a somebody. Incidentally, that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Myck Kabongo.

This season, their leading scorer is Jonathan Holmes, who fittingly is a middle child and is often forgotten about.

Isaiah Taylor is probably their best player and admittedly probably doesn’t get as much attention as he deserves. That may be due to his name being randomly generated by an EA Sports videogame.

I would mention Taylor’s sub-41-percent field goal percentage, but that’d just make Javan Felix and his 35-percent field goal percentage feel bad.

Then you have big man Cameron Ridley. When he’s not being knocked silly by Marek Soucek’s elbow, he’s dominating Shrek look-a-like contests.

Throw Felix in as his donkey sidekick and maybe this team isn’t as unrecognizable as I thought.

Stats Time

Last time these teams met, Texas committed 31 fouls, which is tied for their season high.

They average nearly 29 free throw attempts per game. In their last home game, they attempted a season high 45 free throws in an upset of Kansas.

What I’m saying is, prepare yourselves and remove all throwable objects from your living rooms.

Texas plays extremely physical and they’re built to go to the line.

This is also one of the worst teams in the conference from beyond the arc. Ford Steun is shooting better on the season than Texas as a team.

That would all seem to add up to a night full of Longhorns driving to the rim and looking for contact. At least Smart won’t commit any stupid fouls.

My Humble Prediction

Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer to do literally anything else with your time rather than watch this game? OK, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Let’s start with the longshot formula of how OSU can steal this one.

Remember when Markel was pressed into point guard duties at Iowa State his sophomore year and he racked up 11 assists? That Markel could be back. Giving him more opportunities and more responsibilities in the offense could spark a resurgence.

With no Smart, Nash should also get more touches, which is the only way to score consistently and put Holmes, Ridley and fellow big Prince Ibeh on the bench with foul trouble.

Phil Forte may also have to run some point, which presents the problem of how to get him open looks from deep. But, how’s that much different than the problem of getting him open looks when he’s not running point?

OSU playing at a deliberate pace and settling into a high number of half court sets doesn’t sound like a situation that would ever lead to success, but the Iowa State game showed us that running the same play to Nash over and over is effective offense. It doesn’t have to be creative or pretty and expectations are low, which means this game is right in Travis Ford’s wheelhouse.

All that said, we’ve all seen this movie before. Texas goes inside early and often. Hammonds and Sager play a staggering amount of minutes. By halftime, we’re all trying to convince ourselves that we can get back into the game with a good start to the second half. Then, after an immediate foul called on whichever starter already has two fouls and an 8-0 Texas run, we pour ourselves a stiff drink and get the Gottlieb hashtags trending on Twitter.

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