Me and seven of my friends exchanged 273 emails over the last two days about a fake fantasy draft of 48 people whom most of us have never met. And honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever had more fun trading words with a group of people. Here’s what transpired…
Okay, let’s keep the rules simple.
You’re drafting six historical (or current) OSU basketball players that are going to play in a five-on-five tournament against everybody else’s six players with your life on the line.
I don’t care about positions, if you want to play Stevie Graham at the five, play Stevie Graham at the five.
You’re getting the best version of the player you take. So you get senior year Eaton, that ungodly 00-01 season from Mo Baker, etc.
And the players aren’t pro-rated by era so as badly as someone will want to take Bob Kurland in the first round, you’re still getting 1945 Bob Kurland who probably was about 3/4 of Ivan McFarlin, or something like that.
Here are the participants in the order they drafted:
OKC Dave – Unofficial statistician of Pistols Firing.
Poke - Snarkiest OSU twitter account around.
Pistolsboy – I think you know me.
Mitchell brothers – Brother Andy played OL for the Pokes, would rather have the reins to the Uni Watch blog than own an NFL team.
Carson Cunningham – News5 sportscaster, lover of Tom Brady and European soccer. Baller.
Nolo – Former Oklahoma State basketball player (!), yoga master, windmill dunker.
Sheets – Best dressed, drinks Michelob Ultra, hates the forward pass.
Amilian – Contributor to the blog, interviewer of former players, White Sox fan.
Let the games begin….
Amilian: Everybody can get warmed up for the draft by checking out Roy Candley’s BlackPlanet.com page! Seriously, read it.
OKC Dave: With the 1st pick in the 2012 OSU all-time basketball draft, OKC Dave selects…Byron Houston. Here’s the transcript of the press conference following Dave’s historic selection:
OKC Dave: Thank you, thanks. What an honor to have the opportunity to select Byron Houston as the 1st choice in this draft. I’d like to get Byron up here to make a few remarks.
Houston: First, I’d like to thank the OKC Dave organization for giving me this opportunity. I know that in doing so Dave opened himself up to any number of snarky remarks about my…um, post-college days. However, let me remind the rest of the owners in this league that in this draft, owners receive the very BEST version of the player they select. So while Dave will NOT be faced with the Byron Houston who likes to post up at 63rd & Northwest Expressway in a brown Chevy Blazer, he WILL receive the:
-All-time leading scorer at OSU
-All-time leading rebounder at OSU
-All-time leader in blocked shots at OSU
(Yes, all three)
-A player who averaged 18.7 points per game in his CAREER, including a remarkable junior season where I averaged 23 points and 10 boards.
-A three-time All-American, something only two other Cowboys have accomplished.
-A player who recorded eight 30-point games and 55 double-doubles in his career, both school records
-A player who got to the free throw line and hit more free throw attempts than any player in school history (just try and guard me)
I could go on but I’ll stop here. Again, thank you to the OKC Dave organization and I look forward to helping both on and off the court.
OKC Dave: Let’s leave it all on the court Byron. You can leave the summer youth camps to the rest of the team. With that, I’ll leave the podium open for @Pokelahoma.
Carson: I was taking statistics in my 4th year at OSU. Relatively normal first day of class until the teacher called role…..”Houston…Byron Houston” I did a quadruple take and sure enough, there was the most decorated player in OSU history. He at least was trying to get his life together before it spun out of control. Perhaps OKC’s Dave tutelage can give him a JamesOn-esque second chance.
Poke: With the second pick in the draft It’s an honor to pick the big man from Gans, Bryant Reeves. Too bad he couldn’t be here today. He said something about cattle and a ditch. Anyways, 20 and 10 is irrelevant, He’s a leader who displays all the character and determination that usually comes with a buzz cut. He’s also going to be the primetime anchor for my school’s TV network.
Amilian: Wow the winner of this draft (if we can determine a winner) should get the hat Big Country was wearing in that video.
OKC Dave: $10 says he still has that hat in his closet.
Amilian: $20 says he doesn’t even have a closet
Carson: Country definitely lives in a mansion in Gans. And he I’d be stunned if didn’t still fish with Tom Dirato wearing that same hat.
Mitchell bros: Isn’t TD like his house boy or something?
Pistols: I knew it was going to come to this….even though James and Peterson were probably better players during their collective careers at OSU, I gotta go Desmond. He’s gonna have my faux bandbox gym rocking so hard for our five-on-five tournament, the rest of Scott Pierce’s teeth are going to fall out.
Carson: I think we all knew Desmond would go several spots too high. Or did he? Voters will be more irrational than Skip Bayless when voting on Desmond’s team.
Mitchell bros: With the fourth pick, we select Bob Mattick, first member of our squad of big white guys. We’ll gladly take his senior year double-double average.
Carson: Is Mattick your grandpa on your mom’s side of the family?
Pistols: Mattick is tied with…Obi Muonelo for most points in a career. Wow.
Pistols: I think the upset of the day so far is that Nolan hasn’t weighed in on anything yet. Maybe his morning Pilates class ran long?
Sheets: Gonna be tough for nolan to follow that pick. And I’m about to enter an area of Kansas I doesn’t do phones so I’ll get my pick in asap when its my turn.
Carson: I think Mattick would have been available in round….how many rounds is this draft again?
OKC Dave: Bob Mattick could not be reached for comment, but his oldest son said he was “pretty sure he played basketball at OSU.”
Mitchell bros: How many Poke players have averaged a double-double, Pistolsboy?
Pistols: Not sure a total on that but I know Brian Montonati had more career double doubles than Mattick (and his kids) if that makes you feel any better….
Carson: Kyle dusted off his media guide. Is Mattick in it? Other than the Mitchell family photo?
Pistols: Bob Mattick came to Oklahoma A&M from Chicago, Ill., and was one of the most highly touted big men of his time. It fails to mention that the all the men of his time were on average three feet shorter than they are now.
Nolo: The Mattick pick, like the Bob Fennimore pick in the football draft, looks a lot better on paper. It doesn’t look so good when you realize they both played when black people weren’t allowed to play yet and they hadn’t legalized the “slam dunk.”
Poke: Not a bad pick though. Season averages look like Country….in the 50s….the realization I botched this draft from round one is setting in.
Amilian: :::twiddling thumbs in anticipation Keith Brumbaugh will fall to #8:::
Poke: As long as no one else takes Aaron Pettway I’m comfortable.
Nolo: Hey guys! And come on, Pilates? That’s SO 2004. I was at Bikram.
You guys are already making references to people I’ve never heard of. I’m in so far over my head. I’ve only been a fan since 2005, my freshman year. While this paid dividends in the football draft (which I won), it might hurt me in this one. I’m about three rounds away from eff it mode and drafting my brother and myself back to back to see what a Doug-to-Desmond (or Cezar-to-Desmond) alley-oop feels like in real life. That being said, I think we match up with the Graham brothers just fine.
With the fifth overall pick in the 2012 Pistols Firing draft, I’m going to go with the 2009-2010 Big 12 POY, James Anderson. The junior year version of James could score any way you could think of. He got to the line, shot the three, and always had his head on straight on and off the court.
Am I a little biased? Of course. But I can’t think of a guy who leads by example better than Big Game James.
Carson: Think you can get him out of Popovich’s dog house?
Poke: James is going to be a monster for whatever Euro team he ends up with.
OKC Dave: Pettway is available. He’s at the Colvin dunking on the Lamba Chi C-team.
Nolo: No, that’s Andre Williams. I seriously played a co-rec intramural game against him in 2007.
Carson: Did someone explain to you who Andre Williams is?
Pistols: Did someone explain to you that it’s your pick, Carson?
Carson: Big Country. Good luck defending him in the post.
Nolo: Didn’t Big Country get taken already? Aren’t “Big Country” and “Bryant Reeves” the same person?
Carson: I thought Des went two and literally didn’t get pistolsboy’s pick. That said I’m taking the Alpha Dog: Tony Allen. The best all-around guard to play at OSU. TA shut down team’s best scorer and was KD Clutch when given the rock in the 4th qtr.
Sent from my iPhone
Nolo: Hey Carson, the “Sent from my iPhone” email signature was a pretty tight humblebrag back in like 2006. Might be time to change it.
Sheets: Dang, I wanted TA. But its ok, I’ll just go with the most decorated players in OSU basketball and really any level of basketball history. Three-time All-American. Two-time national champ. Two-time gold medal winner in the Olympics.
He could drop 50 any time he wanted but chose to focus on D and team basketball. He passed up professional ball and the chance for a rivalry against the great George Mikan to be able to represent this great country in the Olympics. The goal tending rule was thanks to him and he was the first to regularly dunk. I’ll take Big Bob Kurland.
Pistols: I bet Mattick owned him though!
Amilian: PETE! (in Bill Teegins voice – RIP). My goodness. How does a scorer such as Adrian Peterson fall all the way to me at #8? Take your tall white centers and I’ll take the guy whom Doug Gottlieb referred to as the best scorer he played with at OSU.
Round 2-3 posted tomorrow. Vote below on who had the best value pick of round 1.