Browns Schedule Analysis

Are you guys ready…for one nationally televised game?!

Here’s Cleveland’s schedule…with some hard-hitting analysis, as you’ve come to expect.

Week 1: Sunday, Sept. 9, Philadelphia, 1:00 PM – The disparity in speed at the QB position in this game will be…vast.

Week 2: Sunday, Sept. 16, at Cincinnati, 1:00 PM – If Andy Dalton AND Bruce Gradkowski get hurt in Week 1, we could be looking at an OSU vs. OSU matchup at QB here.

Week 3: Sunday, Sept. 23, Buffalo, 1:00 PM – Bills fans will be saying “wait, we’re paying our guy $42M more than theirs?”

Week 4: Thursday, Sept. 27 at Baltimore, 8:20 PM – Good, because going to Ray-Ray’s house in a nationally televised game on a Thursday night in the fourth week of your rookie year should be amicable. Somebody get Melanie a hoodie, she might not want to watch.

Week 5: Sunday, Oct. 7, at NY Giants, 1:00 PM – It’s scary that this will be the better QB here.

Week 6: Sunday, Oct. 14, Cincinnati, 1:00 PM – Four more weeks for Dalton and Grad to get hurt!

Week 7: Sunday, Oct. 21, at Indianapolis, 1:00 PM Could be the two best rookie QBs squaring off…

Week 8: Sunday, Oct. 28, San Diego, 1:00 PM – I think Phil Rivers is actually a decent comp for Weeden even though he’s a little bigger and has a little more non-traditional release. I’m starting to sound like Kiper, probably about time to quit.

Week 9: Sunday, Nov. 4, Baltimore, 1:00 PM – At least Suggs will be out! Even though they drafted Courtney Upshaw!

Week 10: BYE

Week 11: Sunday, Nov. 18, at Dallas, 1:00 PM – I have to figure out a way to sneak into this game.

Week 12: Sunday, Nov. 25, Pittsburgh, 1:00 PM – Weeden slinging it around the yard while the Steelers pile up bodies in the trenches and render TRich useless? Yeah, I’ll watch (as long as I have DirecTV).

Week 13: Sunday, Dec. 2, at Oakland, 4:15 PM – Brutal game, although it’s would have been weird to go to a team six years ago and said “hey, in six years would you guys rather have the guy coming off a 4,000-yard season with a Heisman trophy in his back pocket or this guy?” And think about how wrong that answer would have been.

Week 14: Sunday, Dec. 9, Kansas City, 1:00 PM – Another road trip potential for OSU fans/me.

Week 15: Sunday, Dec. 16, Washington, 1:00 PM – Mmmmmmmmmmmm.

Week 16: Sunday, Dec. 23, at Denver, 4:05 PM – I wonder how far Weeden can throw it in the Rockies. Probably close to Uncle Rico far.

Week 17: Sunday, Dec. 30, at Pittsburgh, 1:00 PM – For a playoff spot?