OSU Football Players as Pokemon Characters

With Pokemon Go now all the rage that has all the kids (including Mike Gundy) playing, I’ve decided to take a look at which OSU football player would be their Pokemon character equivalent for some fun. I’m no Pokemon expert, but I’ve been known to catch ’em all back in my day. So let’s do it.

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Mason Rudolph: Pikachu. Pikachu is the mascot of the Pokemon family essentially, and is the face of the franchise. Pikachu is an electric type of character who speaks in a language only those who know him closely can understand, just like Mason Rudolph, who orchestrates the offense with bizarre hand signals and code words.

James Washington: Magnemite. Magnemite is a unique character who doesn’t appear to be a dangerous Pokemon, but uses it’s two U-shaped magnets to shock it’s opponents. Just like Magnemite, Washington may not appear to be dangerous at 6-foot-flat, but he uses his sneaky athleticism and jumping ability to render his opponents into shock. Also, pretty much any ball in his general area gets caught by his seemingly magnetic hands.

Blake Jarwin: Squirtle. Squirtle is the Pokemon who evolves as the game goes on, going from Squirtle to Wartortle at level 16 and Wartortle to Blastoise at level 36. Just like Squirtle, Blake Jarwin evolves as the game goes on — playing the role of the versatile Cowboy back, he goes from edge blocker to pass threat with ease, and slowly evolves into a very lethal and timely threat as the game gets more serious.

Jordan Sterns: Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur, just like Jordan Sterns, is a small character who evolves as the levels go on. Just like Bulbasaur, Sterns is a versatile character who provides excellent support in the run game but has excellent coverage across the field and has multiple uses. Further, Bulbasaur is extremely loyal and highly regarded as a well-behaved and rare character. J. Sterns fits that mold, for sure.

Chad Whitener: Charmander. Charmander has a fiery tail that has burned since birth, which burns brightly when he is strong, weakly when it is exhausted, and blazing when it’s enraged. Just like Charmander, Whitener, the quarterback of the defense, wears his emotions on his sleeve. He’s a leader whom everyone respects and fears, and uses his fiery tail (rage) to attack it’s enemy.

Chris Carson: Geodude. Just like Chris Carson, Geodude is sculpted like a Greek God with bulging biceps and an impressive physique. Geodude uses his strong upper body (since he doesn’t have a lower body) to bash against others. When Geodude wakes up, he rolls downhill in search of food — just like Chris Carson, who is a downhill runner and can get his yards tough sledding when he really wants it.

Jalen McCleskey: Electrode. Electrode tends to live in power plants to consume fresh energy. McCleskey, arguably one of the fastest burners on the squad, has the speed, energy and excitement of Electrode. Known as the “bomb ball” in the Pokemon world, Electrode has a tendency to explode, similarly to McCleskey in punt returns. And when fully charged, Electrode can drift with the wind. And with McCleskey being the smallest player on last years roster, he seems to be the most likely to drift with a big gust of wind.

Jarrell Owens: Alakazam. Fast, mysterious, and a very good attacker, Alakazam fits the mold of defensive end Jarrell Owens. Just like Alakazam, Owens uses psychic powers to read his opponent and get after the quarterback. Also, Alakazam’s head is too heavy to support it’s neck. Which has nothing to do with Jarrell Owens, who is probably strong enough to bench press my vehicle.

Marcell Ateman: Onix. Onix, in comparison with it’s other Poke friends, is extremely large. Unlike Onix, Ateman uses his size to dominate defenders over the top, whereas Onix is best known for his defensive mechanism and “rock head.” Although Onix is susceptible to defenders, he is confident and unwavering in his attack, just like Ateman.

Ashton Lampkin, Lenzy Pipkins, Ramon Richards: Dugtrio. Dugtrio is a set of Diglet triplets, who share a single body and combine their body into one very smart, functional trio. Dugtrio three heads think and act the same, and must work together as a unit — just like the defensive backfield trio of Lampkin, Pipkins, and Richards will be asked to do this season. Just like Dugtrio, OSU defensive backs dig into the ground, before violently attacking their prey.

Victor Salako: Snorlax. Huge Pokemon character, whose body is made up mostly of it’s belly. Snorlax’s main ability is simply being big, and well, that’s just fine if you’re an offensive lineman like Salako. In order to catch a Snorlax, one must first awaken it with music using a Poke Flute — just as I expect Salako’s roommate does with him for morning workouts. But at 6-foot-11, Snorlax is easily the most physically intimidating Pokemon, something Salako can use to his advantage, too.