Satire: OU Band Ready to Play ‘Boomer Sooner’ 500 Times

It’s finally here: Bedlam week.

This in-state rivalry may have originated on the wrestling mat, but the most visible matchup of the year will be on the gridiron Saturday between No. 3 OU and No. 11 OSU.

While the majority of the focus this week has been on the football teams, the marching bands are also ready to take the field.

According to band director Brian Britt, Oklahoma’s band is especially ready.

“We practice all year for this game,” said Britt. “It doesn’t matter whether we’re winning or losing in the game, we want to win the band, and the best way for us to do that is to play ‘Boomer Sooner’ at least 500 hundred times during the game.”

Britt noted that only playing one song over and over and over may seem like a counterintuitive approach for a band known as the Pride of Oklahoma.

“We’ve got our critics all across the Big 12 and the nation,” said Britt. “But you know what I have to say to them? No really, guess. No, I want you to guess. C’mon, humor me.”

After 15 minutes of this, Britt went on to explain that playing nothing but Boomer Sooner is more than just an easy way to compile a setlist.

“Boomer Sooner is a way of life,” said Britt.

Senior tuba player Brad Haskins agreed.

“I mean, you have to think in Boomer Sooner,” said Haskins. “You have to know that it doesn’t matter what’s going on: Boomer Sooner is always appropriate. Taking a test? Boomer Sooner. Eating a sandwich? Boomer Sooner. Ran over a small animal? Boomer Sooner.”

Sophomore flautist Heather Johnson said that she listens to Boomer Sooner constantly on loop to prepare for each game.

“I mean, it makes it a little hard to focus sometimes,” said Johnson, headphones noticeably blaring the song. “Would I rather be able to just unplug and watch Mockingjay Part 2 or pay attention to my grandmother’s eulogy? Sure, but there are bigger things in life than those moments, and those things are Boomer Sooner.”

Britt explained that while he picks the setlist and teaches everyone the song, he doesn’t force the students to act this way.

“They’re just buying into the system we’ve put in place here,” said Britt. “Some people say that it doesn’t take much to play one song ad infinitum, but you know what I say to them? Do you? No really, please guess.”

Football coach Bob Stoops said that he mostly appreciates the band’s efforts.

“I mean, yeah, I love the fight song and all,” said Stoops. “I just, you know, I’ve made petitions for some more variety, but the fight song is the fight song, and we can’t change that no matter how many boosters get involved.”

Stoops noted that he has done his best to support the band and their efforts in the game.

“I’ve told the players to stop plugging up the trumpets and tubas with caulk,” said Stoops. “They’ve mostly cooperated, but we do allow them to wear earplugs on the sidelines. Coaching is mostly about what you’re willing to compromise.”

Britt said that he’s grateful for Stoops’s support and the support of the entire fan base.

“We always look forward to going out there and supporting Sooner football,” said Britt. “We’re a tradition rich program with decades of history and culture, and it’s our goal to boil down those diverse and wonderful experiences into the same song every week. Some folks call our song obnoxious, but you know what I have to say to them? No, really, do you know? Please stop walking away from me.”